Your consciousness remains stuck at the age when you receive the least amount of love

The world is filled with children, dressed in adult skin and suits. We think we are all grown up, bright, make important decisions, and even marry and re-produce, but we could be doing all of these, while our consciousness is still at the level of a child. 

What do I mean by consciousness? It means one's psychology and state of awareness, to put it in modern terms, it simply means one's OS (operating system). Most people are unaware that their OS is still immature because when such an OS is acceptable and viewed as okay in society, and on our entertainment screens, books etc, we think this is normal. 

It may be expected, but it is really not normal, or healthy by any means. As a species, we do have a long way to go in terms of developing our consciousness. It is not about being book smart, it is about how we think, and see the world (which determines our worldview), and what we do when we are faced with challenges. It is also about how we respond emotionally to people, and whether we know how to create boundaries with others. 

Always remember this: just because most people do the same thing, feel the same way, think the same way, or operate the same way, doesn't make it right or healthy OR EVEN SANE.

How do people get stuck in their consciousness? When a person is growing up and experiences a perceived lack of love (now recognise that this is a perception and not necessarily the truth) for example, one's parents are busy making a living, and the child feels neglected, This, in reality, is not the lack of love from parents, but the parents are simply operating like hamsters on the wheel trying to make ends meet. If the parents in this situation, do not carve out quality time (not quantity) to sit and listen to the child and hold space for the child so that the child feels safe and loved, then the child can perceive this as a lack of love. 

Even worse, when the parents are going through their own struggles in life, and sometimes even trauma, and they are not able to hold space for themselves, let alone their children, this can have a rippling impact on their children.

What can parents do? Get the help of close relatives, friends or counsellors/therapists to form a "village" to input love towards the child/children. 

If you think back on the time in your life, most probably during your childhood when you received the least amount of love, you are probably stuck there in your consciousness, unless you have done years of work on your consciousness. 

What does being stuck in child consciousness look like:

• Being violent in thoughts directed towards others.
• Being violent physically, including hitting your own children as a way to "teach"
• Being self-focused and selfish, being inconsiderate 
• Hoping and feeling like someone will save you from your problems, from loneliness, from lack of love, from situations etc 
• Needing someone to protect you because you are fearful of some types of people
• Not understanding boundaries
• Fear of speaking up, including fear of healthy confrontation 
• Fear of processing your emotions and instead choose to bottle everything inside
• Fear of seeing a professional deal with your issues because you think only mentally ill people do that. The mentally healthiest people see therapy as part and parcel of life, just as a physically healthy person sees a coach to improve their physique and health. 
• Being the parent in your partner relationship, or wanting your life partner to parent you, save you, protect you, stand up for you. This is a far too common phenomenon. Most people don't know they have parent-child dynamics in their relationship. The minute you need to ask permission from your spouse for anything, you are the child in the relationship. It should not be the permission you seek, it is an agreement you are after. 
• This translates to the work environment too, when people look to their bosses to "parent" them and do not know how to see themselves as partners in the workspace. 
• And many more...

When you become an adult, it is your responsibility to "parent" and to hold space for the part of you that was left behind. Only then, will you become whole and full as a human being, and only then can you truly experience the lightness of being, joy and a heart full of love.

Remember this: when you get there, not many will be able to see you, for who you are, because they are still wrapped up in their own level of stuckness.

But it is okay, because you will have YOU, and it is one of the most powerful states to be in, to NEED no one, but you choose to SHARE your time and energy with others. Do not let anyone take this for granted. 

©2022 Shamala Tan

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Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer. Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly levels.

Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.