You cannot be right and love at the same time

I came across this quote this morning from Simon Sinek: Bad leaders care about who's right. Good leaders care about what's right.

People who care about being right can never be good leaders. Caring about what's right, however, keeps us open to the possibilities of solutions and what can work for the greater good.

I remember years ago living in a small neighbourhood near the Portsdown area here in Singapore, a group of us neighbours became good buddies, lunching together and doing things together, until one day one of them had a tiff with another neighbour.

There was an expectation for the rest of us to take sides, some did take sides, but I refused. My stand was not to get involved in the fight between the two parties and to maintain my friendship with both because we are not kids and I expect that they both can resolve their issues amicably. But one of them got offended because I didn't take her side, and she ended our friendship. I felt so relieved. As the potential for toxicity in the group was running high.

Do you have people in your life who only care about being right? If you have, my friend, you will find yourself struggling in your connection with them because they will not be open to grow and learn with you.

Or are you someone who only cares about being right, and you wonder why you're not growing as a person, or your career or your business?

The idea of fighting for being right comes from an egocentric perspective, which automatically puts one in a position of "losing" although the intent is to win.

What do you "lose":

• You lose vital learning and perspective that can help you to grow as a person
• You lose people in your life, because you're fighting for your ego at the expense of loving connections
• You lose money because when your intent is to be right, you will spend money to maintain that status no matter how foolish your plan may be
• People lose respect for you because you are seen as selfish and narrow-minded as well as a nit-picker
• You lose opportunities because no one wants to work with a narrow-minded "know-it-all"
• You lose invitations to events, social interactions because the reality is no one wants to be around people who always arguing to prove that they are right

Being a fair and neutral person, and taking into consideration every perspective and caring about what's right automatically makes one a good leader. A good person and leader take the side of what's right, instead of who is right.

Anyone who puts you in a position where you have to choose sides, even if it is a loved one, is really not thinking for you, because they are caring about themselves.

So your next question may be: how do you deal with a loved one who is forcing you to take sides in a situation you are not involved in?

The answer is simple: just love unconditionally without taking sides. Reassure the person that you still love them no matter who is right. It may be tough to do, because they may not see or hear your unconditional care and love as their minds are only focused on you not taking their side. But if you continue to see and do WHAT is right, the situation will work out for the greater good, whatever that may be for you or the situation.

My spiritual mentor used to say, and let me paraphrase, Do you want love or do you want to be right? So I try to live by this mantra as much as possible in all that I do, from my relationships to my work and business. I let others "win" arguments and allow them to "be right" because it is not worth the time or energy to be right. And ultimately, what is right will be revealed and patience is all we need.

©2020 Shamala Tan

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Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer. Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly level.

One of her success stories as an author is to being featured alongside New York’s bestsellers Sonia Choquette, Robert Allen, Arielle Ford, Marci Shimoff as well as Christine Kloser in the book Pebbles In The Pond.

Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.