Why Some People Use Gaslighting: A Look at Low EQ

Have you ever felt like someone made you doubt your own feelings? This is called gaslighting. It's when someone tries to change how you see your own experiences. Let's dive into why some people do this and how it's linked to something called EQ.

What is Gaslighting
Gaslighting is like a magic trick. But instead of a fun surprise, it makes you question your own feelings. Imagine telling a friend you're sad, and they laugh it off or change the topic. That's gaslighting. They're trying to make you think your feelings aren't important. It's a way to take control and make their view the main one.

The Mystery of EQ
EQ stands for Emotional Intelligence. It's like a special power that lets people understand feelings - their own and others'. Some people have a strong EQ. They can "read the room" and know how others feel. But those with low EQ? They might struggle. They might not get why someone is sad or happy. And sometimes, they might use gaslighting without even knowing. It's because they can't connect with emotions well.

Why Do Some People Fear Feelings?
We all have memories. Some are happy, and some are not. For people with low EQ, sad memories can be scary. They might not want to think about them. So, when they feel something that reminds them of a bad time, they might try to push it away. One way they do this is by gaslighting. It's like using a big eraser to remove what they don't want to see or feel. They're trying to protect themselves, but it can hurt others.

A Real Story
I have a friend named Jake. When someone talks about serious or sad news, Jake quickly cracks a joke or changes the topic. At first, it might seem like he's just trying to lighten the mood. But if you look closer, you'll see he's avoiding the topic. Jake is scared of facing the reality of bad news. By making a joke, he's gaslighting the person sharing the news. He's trying to shift the focus away from the serious topic.

The Danger of Gaslighting
Gaslighting is like a small leak in a boat. At first, it's tiny. But over time, it can make the boat sink. When someone gaslights you a lot, you might start to doubt yourself. You might think, "Am I wrong? Are my feelings silly?" This can hurt your confidence. It can make you feel small and unimportant.

How to Spot and Stop Gaslighting
If you feel like someone is making you doubt your feelings, that's a sign. Trust yourself. If a friend or family member often makes you feel this way, take a step back. It's okay to tell them, "I don't like how this feels." And remember, it's okay to share your feelings with people who care and understand. You have the power to set boundaries.

Getting Help
If gaslighting is making you sad or confused, talk to someone. A coach or therapist can help. They can give you tools to feel strong again. They can help you understand why some people gaslight. If you're looking for someone to talk to through coaching/therapy work, you can reach out to me at [email protected].

The Big Lesson
Feelings are like colours. Everyone sees them a bit differently. But that doesn't mean one colour is better than another. Dr. Carl Rogers, a pioneer in humanistic psychology, once said, "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." Your feelings are real. They're a part of your story. And no one should make you doubt them. Dr. Marc Brackett, the Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, also emphasizes, "Emotions matter. They influence our attention, memory, learning, and decision-making." So, always remember, that your feelings have value and play a crucial role in who you are.

Gaslighting can be confusing. But understanding why some people do it can help. Remember, your feelings are important. And you deserve to be heard. If you ever feel lost, reach out. There are people ready to help and listen.

© Shamala Tan 2023

Please feel free to ask me any questions you may have via email [email protected]

Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur, and healer. She strives to transform the lives of others on spiritual, emotional, mental, and earthly levels. Shamala's clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners, and individuals seeking greater meaning and value in life. She offers personalized laser coaching to clients in both individual and group settings, both online and offline.