You may be committing adultery without realising it - when our boundaries are not clear (part 2)

 As promised last week, in this sharing, we are going to talk about physical, emotional, mental and spiritual boundaries. 

Let me just break them down in parts so that you can see and relate with some general examples I share. 

Physical boundaries:

Ah, we see this so clearly these days with social distancing. It is so much easier to practice this, for some people, especially when they have not been able to understand or practice physical boundaries with others.

Physical touch is usually reserved for people closer to our circle of friends/family. We do not go around touching people, hugging people we do not know. We want to maintain a healthy physical boundary and distance so that our lines do not get blurred, this way, we also tell ourselves and others our psychological distance with each other.

Ever encounter someone whom you are having a conversation with, and they keep inching closer and closer to you, and not maintaining some sort of distance? Again, as I have shared in my previous article, usually it is the lack of self-awareness when people do not realise or see that they are not keeping a friendly distance. 

Another thing that makes people not respect this boundary is when they are run by their inner child in their consciousness. Children do not understand or keep to physical boundaries, they touch and hug anyone and everyone, which makes them extremely vulnerable. Adults who do the same, touching and hugging everyone sends out wrong signals to others, who may then misinterpret their intentions as well. This is why it is so important to have self-awareness, so we know exactly what we are communicating through our body language. 

Emotional/mental boundaries:

This is an area where most people fall into an unhealthy zone. People are either too needy emotionally, draining people around them, or they are completely cut off emotionally from others, and others see them as robots or computers who have no feelings. 

There are also those who take on other people's emotional/energetic burdens (yes empaths, I'm talking about you here) and not knowing how to release them, and not knowing how to stop, or draw the line. 

And then there are those who do not respect the emotional/mental bond within their relationships. This is a boundary that is sacred and must be respected. But more often than not, people share about what is going on with their partners/spouse in their relationships/marriage, disrespecting the sanctity of their relationship. What is even more unhealthy is to be critical of one's partner and sharing these criticisms with others, and whether one is sharing this information with someone of the same sex or opposite sex, it doesn't matter, one is still committing emotional/mental adultery. This is a sign that the relationship is already destroyed, and it is almost impossible to salvage. This happened in my previous marriage and it was painful to experience this sort of adultery. 

The problem with this is that it is just so commonly done that people think it is ok. People think it is ok to vent about one's spouse/partner with other people while trying to repair the relationship. It can never work. We must be adult and mature enough to seek professional help, see a therapist or a coach to share or vent, as the sharing will be contained. We are not children or teenagers venting, we are not playing the same game of life as kids.  When we vent and it goes out, to mutual friends or family, it can never be contained, and this is a destructive force. 

If we're on the receiving end of our friend's vent, it is also important to assume responsibility of clear boundaries, that it is not acceptable for us to listen to these vents, and direct them to the right place to seek help. Because we are committing emotional adultery with them if we let it happen!

If there is wisdom to be shared from our relationships, either because we have overcome the issues, or if the relationship has been terminated, then the sharing is valid. We share with friends/family as a way to learn from each other. Remember, people around us are not our punching bags, and they are not obligated to listen to our issues, but they will welcome any wisdom you have acquired from your life's lessons. 

Spiritual boundaries:

This is by far the fuzziest of all boundaries, simply because it is not as tangible. And I'm not even talking about the boundaries between the different religions or schools of thought. 

It is the boundary of pushing one's spiritual agenda onto another. When people are so enthusiastic about their beliefs and believe that their way is the only right way, they not only disrespect others, they disrespect the sacredness of life in others. Whatever our beliefs when it comes to religion, we should keep that boundary clear and allow others to practice what is right for them. If you do not like or appreciate their practice, remove yourself, don't ask them to remove themselves. This is just basic courtesy.

Another form of spiritual boundary that is often breached is when spiritual practitioners cross currents and access information or energies from sources that they do not even know because they think that anything out there is universal energies.

It really does not work that way. There are boundaries that must be respected and honoured and permission must be sought at every point. On top of that, an energy exchange is always necessary. Most think that whatever is out there in the universe is for the taking. But what if you are taking something that is not yours to take in the first place? This is where you will pay back karmically. So if you're a spiritual practitioner/healer and so on, you must have this awareness. Learning to identify the sources of energies, the what, where and whys will help you tremendously in your journey. 

Want to learn how to have clearer boundaries? Sign up for our Mini Psychic Self Defense LIVE Zoom class happening tonight. Click here for the link. 

Read part 1 of this article 

©2021 Shamala Tan

Let me know how I can assist you if you have any questions [email protected]
Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer. Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly level.

One of her success stories as an author is to being featured alongside New York’s bestsellers Sonia Choquette, Robert Allen, Arielle Ford, Marci Shimoff as well as Christine Kloser in the book Pebbles In The Pond.

Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.