Until a person heals themselves, they will be toxic to everyone who tries to love them.

Only hurt people hurt people, as the saying goes. People who say hurtful things to you whether intentionally or unintentionally come from a place of pain. BUT, it is also important that we check inwards to see if we have projected our pain onto them.

When I work with my clients, one of the first things we do is to turn inward to empower self i.e. the client. People may have said or done hurtful things to them, but ultimately it is the healing process that is the focus.  So likewise, in our personal journey, it is always about:

• how we have perceived things
• what we have heard
• what we have seen
• how we have experienced things

And it is not about what others have done to us, said to us, make us do, etc. It is about why we perceive them or situations the way we did. 

This is one of the most challenging things to do because it is almost like a default within us all to just want others to be responsible for how we feel and how our lives have turned out. Of course, this is not to say that others do not have to take responsibility. But the key to healing is always about empowering self first, so that means taking responsibility for our part. 

As children, our caregivers are responsible for whatever we experienced and we can't control that, but when we become adults, it is our responsibility to take back control of our lives and our experiences and we cannot keep blaming our childhood for how our lives have turned out. 

Over the weekend, I did a 'ask me anything' on my Instagram story, and someone who knows me personally sent in a question, asking me, How Did I Become Emotionally Strong. I shared that my emotional strength started from a traumatic event when I was 21. If you want to view this 5-min video, click on this LINK

I learned a lot through the trauma, and the lessons have stayed with me and have really enabled me to understand myself, and shaped me the way I am.

Now the thing is, traumas that happened to us, don't just happen at that point in time, they keep happening to us, over and over again within our unconscious. And we make major life decisions from this space all of our lives until we become aware. Self-awareness is truly what can turn things around. 

As I have shared previously, self-awareness doesn't happen through self though. It is one of the trickiest things to be enlightened about because our blindspots cannot show us our blind spots, that would be the blind leading the blind. We must work with someone who has a clearer view than us, to help us to highlight these areas, to throw light into these dark blinding areas. 

Most importantly, in our healing and transformational journey towards wholesomeness, we need to focus on the big picture, which seems to be the energetic theme this month.

The big picture is that we can only go and grow as far as we are willing to stop playing the game of life with the lower ego of pride, the flip-flopping between superior and inferior complexes, inflexibility, bullying, avoidance in the lower sense, fear of being provoked (the energies of provocation is dominant this month) and of course shame and guilt.

So take good care and watch out for these energies and have a mindful week ahead. 

©2021 Shamala Tan

Let me know how I can assist you if you have any questions [email protected]
Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer. Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly level.

One of her success stories as an author is to being featured alongside New York’s bestsellers Sonia Choquette, Robert Allen, Arielle Ford, Marci Shimoff as well as Christine Kloser in the book Pebbles In The Pond.

Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.