The right perception of self

Getting the right perception of self has to be one of the most difficult things to achieve because it requires a high level of self-awareness.

Most people are still working in progress or have not even started in the area of self-awareness.

People you meet or even yourself could be either thinking that they/you are better at something than they/you actually are. Or thinking that they/you are not as good as they/you are when in truth they/you are meeting the standards!

This can be tricky for self to see or realise because our perception of ourselves is either based on the present moment mirroring (how we think others are responding to us) or based on our past experiences.

The present moment mirroring and how we think others are responding may not be accurate because we may be perceiving inaccurately too, and this is often so. Because our minds often allow us to see what we want to see, listen to what we want to listen. 

Past experiences can prevent us from seeing reality as it is today because the broken record of yesterdays keeps playing over and over again in our minds and our emotions. So no matter how well we have done today, the broken record prevents us from seeing how much we have accomplished or achieved, and we still feel like a child in the presence of some people whom we perceive as better than us.

Then there are some with an inflated sense of self, who needs to keep reminding themselves and others of their past accomplishments. They will often say: when I did this, when I was this, or when I was that. This they do usually to others whom they feel lack the experience, and they are trying to school or teach them. What you have accomplished speaks for themselves, and if others need your guidance they will know who to approach, you do not need to remind them, is my adage.

If they do not approach you, it either means they know how to navigate through the process or your perception of your accomplishments differs from others.

How does one then get the right perception of self?

It has to begin with self-confidence. True self-confidence, not the fake it till you make it kind of idea, which is often used to try to impress the outer world. True self-confidence comes from one's inner world. And this takes work, and there is no way you can fake it. Ever come across someone who wants to be confident, and they try too hard that it becomes cringy? As I have said, as long as a quality you need to develop in yourself has to come from inside, from the depths of your inner world, you cannot fake it. Because in the outer world, as blind as people can be at times, we ALL can pick up the incongruent energies somehow.

The idea is not to try too hard, but to be comfortable where you are, whatever level you are at, and as you keep on working on yourself, day by day addressing blocks and issues that have prevented you from fully claiming who you are, you will be alright.

It is almost like a balancing act, not to try too hard, neither should we put yourselves down in any way. But be real and truthful about where we are. And this is best done with someone you trust, who can mirror back to you who/where you really are.

Sometimes, it is not pleasant to see the reality, and you may lash out at the other, thinking they are trying to put you down. Or you think they are trying to lift you up too much. This is why the person you choose to do this mirroring with, has to be someone stable and consistent, and not someone who flip flops. This way, you know for sure when you have an overly inflated sense of self, or when you are deflating yourself.

It is not a fun process to see our own weaknesses, but it is a necessary process. Because it is through the process of being able to own our weaknesses, that we are able to fully own our strengths. And if you just want to own your strengths and deny your weaknesses, this is where your self-perception will fail you too.

The journey of self-realization, to know self has to be the most challenging, yet rewarding journey. This is the stuff that fairy tales do not tell you. The ultimate perfect relationship you must have is the relationship with your inner self, which is the foundation of all outer relationships. Without which, all relationships you have in your outer world, with people, places and things will be corrupted.

©2020 Shamala Tan

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Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer. Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly level.

One of her success stories as an author is to being featured alongside New York’s bestsellers Sonia Choquette, Robert Allen, Arielle Ford, Marci Shimoff as well as Christine Kloser in the book Pebbles In The Pond.

Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.