Letting Go of Survival Habits: Releasing Old Patterns That No Longer Serve You

Have you ever caught yourself reacting in a way that feels, well, outdated? Like you're using a map from 1995 to navigate today's world? That's what happens when old survival habits—those coping mechanisms that once helped us get through tough times—stick around longer than needed. They’re like the security blanket we can’t seem to ditch, even when it's way past its prime. Why do we hang on to these habits and, more importantly, how to let them go with a little grace?

Understanding Survival Habits: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Survival habits are like those friends who were great in secondary school but maybe not so much now. These are behaviours we developed to get us through difficult times—people-pleasing to keep the peace, perfectionism to gain approval, or overworking to avoid dealing with feelings. At one point, these habits served a purpose. They helped us survive, fit in, or just get through the day. But the problem is, when the storm passes, we’re often left holding onto our trusty old habits, wearing them like armour when there’s no battle to fight.

Recognising When Old Habits Outstay Their Welcome

You can’t fix what you don’t see, right? When they have become our blindspots, we just don't recognise it anymore. Recognising these survival habits is the first step towards loosening their grip. Maybe you’re still saying yes to everything because it kept things calm at home growing up, but now it just leaves you overwhelmed and exhausted. Or perhaps you’re a chronic overachiever, still hustling like you’re trying to prove something to someone who’s long gone. These habits hang on because, on some level, they make us feel safe. But safety and growth rarely hang out together.

Ask yourself: Is this habit helping me or holding me back? Does it feel empowering or draining? If it’s the latter, it’s time for a change.

Why Letting Go Feels So Hard

Letting go of old habits is a bit like giving up your favourite, worn-out t-shirt. You know it’s got holes in it, but it’s so damn comfy. These habits are familiar, and familiarity feels safe, even when it’s uncomfortable. There’s also a fear that if you let go, you’ll be left vulnerable. The truth is, letting go doesn’t mean leaving yourself exposed—it means trusting that you’re strong enough without the crutch.

Steps to Releasing Survival Habits That No Longer Serve

1. Name It to Tame It First, identify the habit that’s outstayed its welcome. Call it out: “Ah, there’s my inner people-pleaser again, front and centre.” Recognising it helps you take a step back and see it for what it is—a habit, not who you are.
2. Get Curious, Not Judgemental Instead of beating yourself up for having these habits, approach them with curiosity. Ask yourself why this habit developed. Often, it’s linked to a need for safety, love, or control. Understanding where it comes from can help you release it with kindness rather than frustration.
3. Replace, Don’t Just Remove Habits don’t just disappear; they need to be replaced with something healthier. If you’re used to people-pleasing, try setting small boundaries. If you’re a perfectionist, practise embracing the “good enough” mindset. Find a habit that aligns with your current needs and values.
4. Practice Self-Compassion Change is hard, and you’re bound to slip back into old patterns. When that happens, don’t go full judge and jury on yourself. Instead, remind yourself that you are unlearning habits that took years to build. Progress, not perfection, is the goal here.
5. Visualise Your Future Self Picture who you would be without this old habit. How would you feel? How would you act? Keep that image in mind as you work on letting go. It’s not about becoming someone completely different; it’s about peeling back the layers to reveal who you’ve always been beneath the survival mode.

Embracing Life Beyond Survival

Letting go of survival habits isn’t about dismissing the past; it’s about recognising that you’re no longer in the same place you once were. It’s a sign of growth—a chance to trade survival mode for thriving mode. So thank those old habits for getting you this far, and gently let them go. You don’t need them anymore. Your future self is calling, and it’s time to answer.

Remember, you’re not just surviving—you’re evolving. And that’s something worth celebrating.

For guidance on your journey of self-discovery, drop me an email to enquire about my therapeutic coaching sessions. [email protected]

© 2024 Shamala Tan