How Our Minds Keep Us in the Dark About Ourselves

What Are Blindspots, Anyway?
Have you ever driven a car, checked your mirrors, and still managed to miss a cyclist coming up beside you? That little oversight, the one lurking just out of view, is what we call a blindspot.

But here’s the thing—blindspots aren’t just for the road. We have them in our minds too. These are the mental gaps that keep us from seeing our own flaws, or sometimes even the less-than-perfect behaviours of those around us. It’s like our brains play a little trick, choosing what to focus on and what to conveniently ignore. In this article, we are going to explore why we're so oblivious to our own weaknesses and, for that matter, why we often give other people a free pass as well.

Blind to Ourselves: The Case of the Self-Flattering Mirror
When it comes to looking at ourselves, we tend to see what we want to see. It’s a bit like having a mirror that always makes you look fantastic. This magical mirror doesn’t show us the spinach stuck in our teeth or that we’re wearing clothes that don’t match. Instead, it tells us, "You’re doing great, buddy!" Our brain’s version of this flattering mirror has an official name: ego. Ego loves to polish up our image and conveniently ignore the messy stuff. It's why we often see ourselves as kinder, more patient, or more thoughtful than we actually are.

The truth is, acknowledging our own flaws is uncomfortable. Who wants to admit they might be selfish or too quick to judge? To protect ourselves from that discomfort, we form mental blindspots. We pretend that we are just “assertive” when we might actually be pushy or label ourselves as “independent” instead of recognising that we avoid relying on others out of fear of vulnerability. It’s an instinctive defence mechanism—a psychological screen, if you will, that keeps us from burning in the light of our own shortcomings.

Mindset Matters: The Rose-Coloured Glasses Effect
Our mindset can make us particularly prone to these blindspots. Picture yourself in a situation where you deeply believe that you're "always doing your best." When we think this way, we tend to rationalise our less-than-stellar behaviour to fit that idea. Snapping at a friend gets justified as “just stress," or procrastinating becomes "waiting for inspiration." If we start with the assumption that we’re fundamentally good and infallible, we end up explaining away a lot of behaviours that could use some adjusting.

This effect extends beyond our personal behaviour too. When we idolise someone or believe they are inherently wonderful, we don’t see their flaws clearly either. A certain mindset acts like rose-coloured glasses, making us excuse others’ rudeness or manipulative tendencies because, “Oh, they’re just under pressure!” We ignore red flags because seeing them might mean challenging our positive view of that person. It’s comforting to believe in our heroes, even when they’re a bit... well, human.

The Company We Keep: How Bias Helps Maintain Blindspots
Interestingly, blindspots don’t just develop in isolation—they are influenced by the company we keep and the stories we tell ourselves. Friends, family, and community shape what we think is normal or acceptable. If everyone around you has a certain trait, like a bit of a temper, you might see your own flare-ups as perfectly ordinary. Sometimes, our blindspots are reinforced because we’re swimming in a pool of people with similar blindspots.

Plus, there’s the whole idea of bias. Confirmation bias, for instance, is our habit of seeking out information that supports what we already think and ignoring anything that challenges it. This means we’re great at noticing other people’s flaws when they’re different from our own, but when someone’s flaws match ours, we become a lot more forgiving. Think of it as a little club—membership includes everyone who shares our same shortcomings.

How to Start Seeing What’s Hidden
So, how do we become aware of these hidden blindspots? The answer lies in seeking discomfort—because true growth happens outside our comfort zones. One of the best ways to uncover our blindspots is by inviting feedback. It’s a brave act to genuinely ask someone you trust. Someone like a coach or therapist, or someone you know who is psychologically clearer than you are. You certainly do not want to ask for feedback from people with limited world views, or who are psychologically narrower than you. 

Self-reflection is another powerful tool. Set aside time to think about your reactions and behaviours, particularly the moments that didn’t feel quite right. If you snapped at someone, think about why. Were you tired, hungry, or maybe just feeling a little insecure? This kind of reflection can help you recognise patterns that indicate blindspots.

Another fun, slightly more light-hearted strategy is to turn the lens on those you admire—especially if you tend to give them a free pass. It doesn’t mean you need to stop appreciating them, but rather, appreciate them as complex humans who, like you, have flaws. You might notice how someone you respect also struggles with procrastination or avoids tough conversations. Once you see others clearly, it gets easier to apply that same honest lens to yourself.

Embracing Our Blindspots as Part of Being Human
Being blind to our flaws is part of the package of being human. It’s both laughable and understandable how our minds would prefer a comforting illusion over a challenging truth. But imagine if we all got a little better at shining light into those unseen corners—not to be hard on ourselves, but to grow. It’s in recognising our limitations that we can truly begin to evolve, learning to accept not only our own humanness but also the humanity in others.

So, next time you catch yourself justifying your impatience or brushing off someone else’s shortcomings, consider taking a closer look. Adjust the mirror, lift the rose-coloured glasses, and maybe even laugh a little at the sheer stubbornness of our human minds. After all, a blindspot can only stay hidden as long as we keep our eyes closed.

For more insights on personal growth and spirituality, feel free to drop me an email to enquire about my therapeutic coaching sessions. [email protected]

© 2024 Shamala Tan