Dealing With People We Do Not Like, In An Adult World

What if there are people we do not like whom we meet daily, they could be our bosses or people we work with. So here's something to ponder upon if we do not like a person, someone we consider an acquaintance or a work colleague, it just means that we have taken the connection we have a little too personally!

Think about it, if we were there to work, and if we take things too personally and allow our emotions to get in the way, we have allowed our emotions to make decisions for us. The trick in dealing with this is not to get emotionally attached to outcomes or emotionally attached to how this person should be behaving towards you.

Now, if this person is not well-liked by EVERYONE, let's ask ourselves why. Perhaps this person is doing something right. Possible? If this person is doing something right for the business or organization and we just do not like his/her attitude, then we have to ask ourselves what exactly are we dealing with here: our own blind perception or the person?

What if this person is doing everything wrong? And everything they do and say seems abnormal and they seem to have some borderline personality disorders? Can we have some compassion for them?

No matter what the answer is to these questions, we need to know that at the end of the day taking care of our own sanity is crucial. If we put too much energy and get too emotional with these sorts of connections then as human beings we are not being energy efficient! We are not going to be able to use our energies more creatively elsewhere.

What if it is a social situation? There are all kinds of bullying that happen in the adult world too. I am not talking about the obvious abuse or ill-treatment that one adult inflicts upon another. I am referring to the more subtle bullying that happens in social settings, for eg. someone snubbing another because of how they dress, behave or speak. This sort of bullying shows that the person is insecure, to begin with, and he/she needs to play a one-up game in their own mind to feel better about themselves. What if we got caught in a situation like this? When we get snubbed by others just for breathing? This is easily done: just walk away. We are not obligated to stay there to continue to be spoken to disrespectfully, or be treated like a low life. Just walk away.

Here is a mental-emotional checklist of to-dos to assist you. They will help you to get a handle on yourself at the moment.

• Imagine yourself in a bubble of light
• See yourself in the eye of the hurricane. There is nothing chaotic inside it and it is an entirely calm space. In this space, do not allow the person to affect you. Keep your emotions in check.
• Ask yourself these: is the person doing his or her job? Is it going to matter if you like them or not? Does the person have a clear goal as to what he or she needs to do? Rationally answer the questions. If the answer is yes to any of the above -stay in the bubble of light and get on with life and let the person do their job. If the answer is no to any of the above -you do not need to justify your feelings or gossip about it, just get on with life and remain in the bubble.

Now perhaps this person in the workplace you do not like acts in a very hostile manner towards you, then the smart thing to do is to stay away from him/her if possible. Sometimes something as drastic as leaving for good may be the answer. We do not have to stay in a situation if we are put in a position of danger or abuse in any manner.

Maybe sometimes we wish that things could be simpler, like how things were like when we were kids when we could easily un-friend someone with no issue whatsoever. In the more complicated adult world, sometimes unfriending someone happens only on Facebook! And we still need to continue to work with the person and keep everything professional!

We are always told NOT TO BURN OUR BRIDGES, there is certainly wisdom in these words.

First published in 2018, edited in 2022 ©2022 Shamala Tan

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Shamala Tan is an author, spiritual entrepreneur and healer. Her work focuses on transforming the lives of others on the spiritual, emotional, mental and earthly levels.

Shamala’s clients include small business owners, holistic practitioners as well as those seeking to find more significant meaning and value in life. Shamala offers laser coaching to her clients on a one-to-one basis or in a group environment, offline as well as online.