Ask the Right Questions: Creating Space for Connection and Growth

How often do we stop and really think about the power of asking a good question? Not just a surface-level, polite question, but one that creates room for someone to express themselves fully. Questions hold so much potential—not just for understanding someone else but for transforming the way we connect, think, and grow.

The truth is, asking questions is one of the most underrated tools in communication. When done mindfully, it’s not just a way to gain information; it’s an act of creating space—for others to feel heard, for ideas to flourish, and for relationships to deepen. Let’s explore why this simple act of curiosity is so powerful and how we can harness it to bring more richness into our lives.

Asking Questions: The Key to Creating Space

Asking questions isn’t just about filling silences or driving a conversation forward. When you ask someone a thoughtful question, you’re doing something much bigger: you’re giving them permission to step into the spotlight. You’re saying, “I care about what you think, and I want to know more.”

This kind of intentional questioning creates a spaciousness in the conversation that allows people to open up. It’s in these moments of openness where real connection happens—when someone feels seen, valued, and safe enough to share more of who they are.

Think about the last time someone asked you a question that made you pause and really think. Didn’t it feel good to know they cared enough to go beyond the surface? That’s the magic of a well-placed question.

The Transformative Power of Curiosity

When we ask questions, especially those that invite depth, we’re not just gathering information; we’re inviting transformation—both for ourselves and the other person. Curiosity is a bridge that connects minds and hearts. It allows us to step out of our own perspectives and into someone else’s world.

Here’s what happens when you lean into curiosity:

• You build trust: People feel respected and valued when you take the time to genuinely ask about their thoughts, experiences, or feelings. Trust grows when people feel you’re truly interested in what they have to say.

• You discover new insights: Every question opens the door to a perspective you might not have considered. This can lead to learning, collaboration, and sometimes even breakthrough ideas.

• You foster emotional safety: When someone feels safe to share without judgement, they’re more likely to open up, allowing for deeper conversations and stronger relationships.

• You challenge your assumptions: Asking thoughtful questions helps you see beyond your biases and assumptions, expanding your understanding of the world around you.

How to Ask Questions That Matter

Not all questions are created equal. Some can feel invasive, others can come across as dismissive, and many are simply superficial. To create meaningful space, the key is to ask questions that invite depth, reflection, and dialogue.

Here are some ways to elevate your questioning game:

1. Ask open-ended questions: These are the questions that start with “how”, “what”, or “why”. For example, instead of asking, “Did you like it?” try, “What did you take away from that experience?” Open-ended questions encourage more thoughtful and expansive responses.

2. Get curious, not interrogative: Questions shouldn’t feel like a spotlight being shone too harshly. Approach them with curiosity, not as a way to “extract” information. Your tone matters as much as the question itself.

3. Listen to the answer: Sounds obvious, right? But so many people ask questions without really listening to the response. If you’re already planning your next question or reply, you’re not truly creating space. Slow down and give the other person your full attention.

4. Go deeper with follow-ups: When someone shares something meaningful, follow up with a related question. For example, “What was that like for you?” or “How did that shape your perspective?” Follow-ups show that you’re engaged and encourage them to keep sharing.

5. Stay present: Avoid the temptation to steer the conversation towards yourself. This isn’t the time to share your similar story or offer unsolicited advice. Let the moment be about them.

Creating Opportunities for Growth

When you start asking better questions, you’ll notice something fascinating: people will begin to feel more comfortable around you. They’ll open up more readily, trust you more deeply, and value the space you create in conversations. But there’s also a ripple effect—it transforms you, too.

The more you practise curiosity, the more you start to notice patterns, perspectives, and possibilities you hadn’t considered before. You begin to approach the world with an openness that invites connection and understanding. It’s a subtle but profound shift, one that has the power to enrich every area of your life.

Make It a Habit

You don’t need to wait for the “right” moment to start practising this. Every conversation, no matter how small, is an opportunity to bring more intentionality to your questions. Whether you’re chatting with a colleague, catching up with a friend, or even talking to a stranger, ask yourself: How can I create space for them in this moment?

It’s not about being perfect or having a list of the “right” questions ready to go. It’s about showing up with genuine curiosity and a willingness to listen. That’s what creates connection. That’s what fosters growth.

So the next time you find yourself in a conversation, pause. Instead of thinking about what you’re going to say next, ask yourself: What can I ask to create space here? Then lean in, listen, and watch how the conversation unfolds. You might just be surprised by the magic you uncover.

© 2024 Shamala Tan